So life has been 'crazy as usual' lately.
Everyday something happens that catches me off guard and keeps me tied up. I'm constantly working, volunteering, going to events, counseling and teaching multiple people...among other things...
I hate to ask for help or prayer because, 1. I don't want you to know that I need help or prayer & 2. I don't want any doubt or negativity in the situation.
When Jesus prayed for people, He had the wailing women leave the room. He didn't want any doubt...and it was probably hard to think straight with a bunch of women wailing...
Even though there is a chance that there will be some who are negative or don't care and there might be some doubt, I'm asking for you to pray for me. I can handle a lot of things really well but there is a point when it becomes too much and begins to scare me. I'm at that point.
For a few months I've been struggling with weird symptoms...when I try to explain them to people I'm sure they think I'm crazy or don't understand at all. I don't blame them. It's hard to make it make sense.
I'm having thyroidal issues. Now, mind you, this is what I've deducted from research and symptoms. I have not been to the doctor because of time and financial reasons. It started on the right side of my neck. It was this nagging pain/bruise-like/lump on or in my neck. (Believe me, this is one of the hardest things to explain.) It spread down my neck and just continues to annoy me. You can feel the lump on the right side. Then, just a few days ago the left side started having this pain, like a pin point size, just like the right side started. Overall, it is really annoying and strange.
I've spoke with only a few people about this and done some research. It's not really "in" my throat like a sore throat and it's not really outside my neck either...I know, sounds weird, right?
Over the last month or so I have had other weird symptoms that may or may not be related but they scare me.
It effects my speech and breathing. One day I'm sure I sounded drunk. I couldn't make my words crisp and clear no matter how hard I tried.
It also effects the power of my voice. The strength to talk or sing. The 'want-to' if you will. It's like I'm moving my mouth wanting to sing and focusing and my voice just sits down on a couch and is like, "No, thanks. I don't feel like it. I don't want to right now, ask me after Barney is over."
A few times I had memory lapses, which NEVER happen to me, like trying to spell a simple word. (By the way, spelling has always been my strong subject.) Or trying to answer a simple question through an email. It's like I'm looking at the question, trying to word the answer correctly and my brain is off in la-la land. No matter how hard I look at that question and focus, my brain, who has the answer, is off somewhere else. If I move on to something else, then come back to that later, I have no problem with it.
Other little things like this highly concern me because it's not like me. It's not just because I've been out of school for a little while, so I forget how to spell something or do a simple math problem. It's different because the things I'm having issues with, I stick with it and there is a way to work out the problem. I don't have to look it up. When I used spell check the correct spelling didn't look right.
Somethings up. Maybe my minds out to get me? Maybe my neck is sabotaging my brain?
Whatever the case. It's not getting better. It is prgressively getting worse and more painful.
So what do I do?
Sit in my pity...........NOT!
Every day when I wake up I lay there for an extra moment and ask God for any extra strength He can give me that day. I need all I can get.
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3
I ask Him to remind me to turn to Him when it becomes too much or when I'm overwhelmed. I speak life and healing over me even when I don't feel it because words have power. "The power of life and death are in the tongue." So, when I feel like my body is attacking itself, when I don't know how to get answers to what is happening to me, I turn to God. I ask Him, the knower of all things, to strengthen me and give me the answers I need. I ask Him to sustain me and put me at ease. I ask Him to continually work in & through me. Mainly I ask Him to give me strength as I pour all the strength I have into others. I pray that He would lift me up as I lift others up. He has placed people into my life that need Him and now I have to rely on Him to help me so I can help them.
God's working in me daily and I'm not giving up. Even though I feel like a wounded soldier working with my eyes fixed on the finish line. Even though I'm weak, He is strong.
This is a daily struggle and it effects every area of my life. Then again, that sounds a lot like the Christian walk.
Thank you for the prayers, positive thoughts and encouragement.
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