Also, what you fear reveals where you trust God the least.
Ouch.
I heard this message this weekend about fear called "I Quit: Fear". At first I thought, "Eh, no big deal...I don't really have fear in my life."
I was wrong.
Pastor talked about this lady who feared losing her husband all the time; either by death or just leaving. She was so consumed by it. It's all she thought about & she just worried all the time. She finally wrestled about it with God. She kept saying, "What if this happened?" She felt like God asked her back, "Yeah? What if?" Then she went down the 'What if" trail. "What if my husband died? What if he left me?"
"Well, I guess I wouldn't get dressed for a month & I would just cry and cry and cry."
Then God said, "Uh-huh, then what?"
"Ummm, I probably wouldn't get dressed for another month."
"Ok, then what?"
"I guess at some point I'd cry and run to You and You would restore me. You'd help me get through it one day at a time."
"Exactly."
This struck me for some reason. I just don't let my mind go down the 'What if' trail. That's too scary. It's like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book. Too many loose ends; too many things can go wrong; too much pain. So I avoid it.
This weekend I made myself go down that trail, though.
What if I keep living life like this? What if I keep working all the time as life passes me by? What if I keep doing a "good" thing and miss out on a "great" thing? What if I keep acting like everything is ok and I'm fine when I'm not? What if in the process of convincing myself that I'm not beautiful that everyone else starts to believe it? What if I get content going down the highway of life and miss the exits I need to take to stay in His will? What if everyone keeps trying to "encourage" me with "When you stop looking, that's when he'll come" or "Maybe you should say yes more or lower your standards because they're just too high" or "Maybe God wants you single forever"? What if I actually meet someone that is ok but I miss the red flags that he's just not it; that he's only in this because of what I do or who I know? What if God brings that right man and I freak out? What if I never meet someone who loves me for me ... and that's it?
Told you it was scary.
I guess my fear is ending up alone. So, that reveals that I value relationships and marriage in general. It also reveals that I don't fully trust God with this.
Why?
He's big enough. He loves me. He's even gave me a promise years ago that He would take care of this area of my life! And yet, I still cling to it; like I can do a better job...yeah right.
But, just like the lady who feared losing her husband, the ending is the same. God's got this! This doesn't mean we won't experience some of our fears or go through hard times, but it does mean that He's with us the whole time and we don't have to go it alone. He will sustain us, pull us through and help us one day at a time.
So, I'm in the process of letting go.
What's your fear? Where do you need to trust God?
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