I don't care if it's friends or family that I'll see the next day, or a random stranger I just met- I'm just awful at saying goodbye.
Granted, I've been to A LOT of funerals in my life. The number of funerals I've been to is at least equal to the number of years I've been alive...so a lot.
Maybe that has something to do with it?
I don't know. What I do know is I dread having to say goodbye to someone. Every stinkin time.
Though, my little sisters are teaching just about everyday how to get over this.
When I say, "Ok, bye." and try to sneak out, at least one of them says, "I WANT A KISS!"
Yep, no matter where we are, you might hear a little girl saying, "WAIT! I WANT A HUG! ...AND A KISSSSS!"
They are so unapologetic. So unafraid to say what they want.
I'm the complete opposite.
I'm working on finding a happy-medium.
Anyway, that's what I'm learning from my family. What are you learning from yours?
Oh, and when I tell you goodbye, I'll try to refrain from yelling, "I WANT A KISS!" No promises though.
I had just moved into a new place less than a month before, and then the very little that I owned, was taken. Never recovered. Right before my extended family came to my new house for Thanksgiving.
If there's anything in this world that's not right, there's something.
Really, it wasn't so much the stuff. I mean, yeah, I lost anything that had value, but I'm a poor, single lady, with the career choice of a DJ. Not a lot of moolah in my coin purse. :)
The worst thing was thinking about people being in my house, going through everything, and I mean everything. Taking my pillowcases to stuff all my things in and then just walking out my front door like they owned the place.
Somehow God gave me the peace to sleep there THAT night. Granted, I had a giant saw by my bed as a weapon, but that's beside the point.
Everyday, He's worked on me. He's also restored possessions back to me in very odd ways. People just coming out of no where to give me furniture, clothes, jewelry, and electronics.
Even though I lost a lot, I was never in need. He provided just what I needed at just the right time.
The cool thing is, when God restores, He multiplies! See Job 42:10, Exodus 22:1; 22:4, Leviticus 6:5; 22:14, Mark 10:29-30, Ephesians 3:20, even Proverbs 6:31 says,
"Yet when he, the thief, is found, he must restore sevenfold..."
I'm definitely still affected by what happened a year ago, but I can't say enough of how God has provided for my every need (and even some wants!) so much so, that I'm continuously giving things away!
What has God provided for you? How has He blessed you in the last year?
Have you heard Mandisa's new song "Waiting for Tomorrow"? Here's the Chorus:
Can't spend my whole life wastin' Everything I know I've been given 'Cause you've made for so much more than Sittin' on the side lines I don't wanna look back and wonder If good enough could've been better Everyday's a day to start over So, why am I waiting for tomorrow
I love that. Especially the line "You've made me for so much more than sittin' on the sidelines".
You know who sabotages myself more than anyone? Me.
I'll be the first to give you a lengthy list of why I can't do something; why I'm not qualified enough, pretty enough, talented enough...it's easy for me to sit on the sidelines.
I'm also a planner; I like to know what is going to happen when, where, how, etc. I like to play it safe...but that usually means taking myself out of the game and sitting on the sidelines.
Maybe with my decision years ago to wait for "Mr. Right", I've started waiting (or maybe stopping altogether) in other areas too.
That's not necessarily a good thing.
All I know is that I count myself out in almost every situation before I even have a chance to think about it.
Why do I do that?
I've just sat on the sidelines, figuring- no, KNOWING other people would be better at what God was calling me to do or be. The problem is that's just not true. God has called me to a specific plan; it was meant just for me.
The next line of the song is probably just as important: "I don't wanna look back and wonder if good enough could've been better".
Ouch. Wouldn't that stink if I looked back 20+ years from now and wished that I wasn't sitting on the sidelines, although safe, not doing the things I knew God had called me to?
So, here's my first step in everyday choosing not to sit on the sidelines. Get in the game and do what God has called me to, whatever that is.
Join me?
QUESTION: Where do you need to jump in the "game"?
I started thinking, awe..it has been a while since I've spent time with just my mom. I need to plan some time for us to do something...
Then, this nice thought was shattered by the realization that I was cleaning her kitchen and she was really saying she wanted more Jenns. She was wishing she had chosen to have at least 3 more kids just like me.
Yeah. Great talk, Mom. If only cloning were biblical. If only.
After I got over that, I thought about this coffee mug that's been sitting in my office. It says "More Jesus".
I think we all want more Jesus. Not sure if drinking Him out of a cup really works or not, but it couldn't hurt, right?
How do you get more of Him, though? Seriously. Only go certain places? Wear clothes that have scriptures on them? Blast our Christian rap at the stoplight? See how many times you can say "Can I pray for you?" in a day?
Don't get me wrong, all these things are great...and I do them all, my point is this: is it Jesus memorabilia we have, or actually more Jesus?
See, I don't want to be known for being a good Christian. I don't. That's not what I'm here for.
I need to strive to know Him. To seek Him. To get more of Him. Not little bobble heads of Jesus in every area of my life, but just Jesus in every area of my life.
If I happen to be a good Christian in the process, awesome. Even better.
So how do I, personally, let more of Jesus into more of me? By giving more of me to Him.
That's totally against my human nature, but I'm working on it.
I hope you will too.
Do you have more things with Jesus on them or more Jesus?
Something that I've always been passionate about is purity. Honestly, I haven't been as vocal about it in the last few years. No particular reason; I'm still passionate and practicing purity, but I guess I just toned down my bugle horn about it.
Almost 10 years ago, I went through 8 weeks of classes, studying, and completing a course through my church where I ultimately stood up in front of a few thousand people and vowed to stay pure. I was specific in the multiple areas where I would stay pure in my life. This is something I didn't take lightly. I'm sure TONS of churches do this. I'm sure to lot's of tweenies and teenagers after a little while, it's no big deal, but to me, it always has been. I've kept that promise, because I took it to heart and I recommitted it everyday to God. It was, and still is a daily choice.
Now, I'm not perfect, but again, this wasn't something I took lightly. I was a very old 12 year old.
So as I'm coming up on almost 10 years "clean" so to speak, I'm dedicating the next 10 to Him now. I'm planning ahead because I'm a planner and a freak and that's what I do. It's by the grace of God that I am where I am today and 10 years from now I want to be as blown away as I am today, if not more.
I got a ring when I was 12 and I've been wearing it ever since. For this "dedication" I just talked myself into buying a new one. When it arrived, I had to talk myself into actually taking the old one off. It was quite the pep talk. Guess you had to be there.
So, here's my dedication to my Savior. The God who saved me. Who caught me at a young age. Saved me from having to go through awful things to find Him. Yeah, my testimony is kind of vanilla flavored, but I'm crying as I type this because I'm thinking of all of the good & bad He's brought me through. Just as I'm sure it's true in your life, you have no idea what He's done for me!!
I hope you have a passion for something.
And if it needs to be renewed, don't wait, renew it!
A few days ago I was working on moving and decided to have some breakfast. Have to start the day off good, right?
The only food left in my house was some cereal and a little milk. Still a good start, right?
Poured it, had a seat on my living room carpet (since I'm devoid of critical furniture at the moment) said a short prayer, then took a bite.
*DISCLAIMER- Personally, in order for milk to be described as good/edible to me, it HAS to be ice cold, with no chunks. Shouldn't be too much to ask. Well, you'd think.
My first bite wasn't terrible ... until I swallowed.
I was getting over being sick, so apparently my smeller was out of commission. My taste buds however, were not. See, the bitter taste buds are near the back of your tongue. So I didn't have a problem until I swallowed and it went over those "censors".
Though, because I had smelled it and the first part of my bite tasted normal, I kept, very slowly, taking bites.
Something was just not right though. So, I went to brush my teeth, thinking that would help. Went back to my living room carpet and took another bite.
Nope. Now I was sure something was wrong. At this point I'd probably taken about 10 bites.
Even though it didn't smell rotten, it was for sure! The rest of the day I felt sick and worthless. Don't let this happen to you.
There's probably a spiritual parallel for this, but I'm going to let you figure that out. :)
I just had to post this, if nothing else, to tell you to trust your tongue.
I guess, for some people, those two can even go hand-in-hand! I'm a pretty even-tempered, problem-solving, peace-making person.
That being said, any time I experience one of these things, I tend to hold on to it. Especially if I'm the one who screamed or got mad.
This is probably why I love roller coasters. It's my chance to get some screams out!
However, it's not such a good thing when I get mad. It's almost like when you try something new, it's exciting, you get a rush, it's just a whole new experience!
So, I tend to hang on to that anger for a little bit, to savor it, if you will. I don't do anything destructive or hurtful during this time, more like I keep it inside for a little bit. Usually only ends up being a few hours. Though, I know that time needs to be a lot shorter. Instead of "reveling" in this new-found emotion I never get to use, I have to give it to God and not hang on to it.
Something that's never failed for me, almost like a magic trick, is prayer. No joke, every time I pray, all that anger slides off. Even if I wanted to be mad, I can't! I see the whole situation differently, I'm seeing through God's eyes.
I had one of these experiences last week.
It was a righteous anger. It was seeing people turn their back on God and deliberately living their life like they never knew Him, and I'm supposed to be around them and act like everything is ok?!?! I knew I was going to be around them and I had a few things I had planned to tell them - I just knew they needed to hear it too!
About 20 minutes before I saw them, though, I just crumbled before God. I knew what I wanted to say was stirred by my heart knowing that they don't know Him. It's like someone headed down a road, at 70 mph, with a bridge out at the end. I want to yell at them, "STOP!! TURN AROUND! THIS IS THE WRONG ROAD! YOU'RE GOING TO PERISH!" Even though all of those things would come out of love, they won't listen to it like that.
I've tried all I can with them and I know the only thing left is to focus on my life, living right and seeking Him. Hopefully the light I'm running after will make them want the same for their life. That's the hope I'm clinging to.
What makes you mad? What do you do?
*My church is talking about this, too. What breaks your heart? What are you doing about it? Check it out here: http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/change-your-world/1
I've been doing worship on a stage on and off since I was about 9. I love it. I love getting lost in praising my God, however I choose...which is usually in singing or just being silent.
Most recently, I've been a part of worship at Life Center (A Part of the LifeChurch.tv Network) for the last few years. I love it. I love leading this new group of people right to the feet of Jesus and showing them what it looks like to worship Him on stage and in my every day life.
I just took about 2 months "off" to simplify my life, get some clarity and focus on where God was leading me next. It was hard, but I had to say no to a good thing, in order to say yes to a great thing. I've come to the conclusion that, for now, God is calling me to stay and be faithful where I am in my life.
Waiting. More waiting.
Yet, through this time I'm being refreshed and I'm ready to come back and worship Him and lead others to do the same very soon! I love it.
One thing I've missed a lot is being around our keyboardist, Ed.
He's hilarious.
I have to make a conscious effort NOT to look at him during worship because of the way he "participates".
Really. He's crazy. I love it. While he's showing that keyboard who's boss, his legs are flailing, his off-key voice is about as loud as the entire sound system and he's got this HUGE grin that could engulf your whole head.
After just about every set, or even practice, he says one of the following:
"I love it."
"This is so much fun...are you sure this isn't sinful?"
"I hope I get to play with you in Heaven."
That last one is my favorite. I love it. Makes me look ahead and long for our eternal home. Makes me get lost in my dreams of what it might be like to not only forever sing about Him, but sing directly to Him - where I can see Him and this huge mass of people singing right along with me. Sounds like the ultimate concert.
I can't wait.
I love it.
-Jenn
QUESTION:
What aspect do you love about worship? How do you worship?
The dictionary defines arrogance as "having disregard for other people."
God has many things to say against arrogant people. He holds all of us in such high regard that anyone who doesn't hold others in a high regard is operating counter to His ideals.
I don't believe that anyone sets out to be arrogant. No one says, "I'm just not conceited enough" or "My goal is to belittle twice as many people today." But yet, it happens all the time.
We become arrogant through the force of our self-perspective.
"I'm older."
"I'm the boss; my opinions matter more."
"I'm richer."
"She's just a waitress."
"I make a bigger difference than he does."
...and so many more.
Make a point, a real effort, today to hold everyone you see in higher regard than you normally would. Go out of your way to think more highly of them than you do of yourself. You might be surprised on how much different your day has been by the end of the day.
"Their arrogance testifies against them." Hosea 7:10
How do you keep from being arrogant and think of others more highly?
You try and try and find that you're just no good at something?
I have.
For example, my entire family is fantastic at drawing, sketching, painting, sculpting, etc. I'm telling you, you can give them anything to create and they can.
I can barely draw stick people.
I took some classes in high school that helped with the basics, but I don't dare draw around my family because I know I'm no good at art.
Or is it drawing I'm no good at? Yeah, let's change that to "I'm no good at drawing". I can live with that. I've tried, I've practiced and I'm just no good at drawing. Ok.
Now, there's still that word "art" out there...now that, I just might be good at. I've been doing Photoshop for almost 1 year and I'm really enjoying it and getting kind of good (maybe).
That's art, right? I like to work on pictures and I like music...wait a minute, that's art too!
So, yes, I'm no good at drawing, but if I take a step back, I see that I don't have to drop art altogether, because it's not art that I'm no good at; it's drawing.
So, what is it for you?
If you're no good at singing, you can still be good at music.
If you're no good at speaking, you still have a voice and something to say.
If you're no good at making a home run, you can still be good at sports.
If you can't get pregnant, you can still be a parent to someone.
See what I'm getting at? We can't all be good at everything, but you may be good at more than you thought.
Attitudes were on high alert everywhere I went. People were offended before, during and after talking to me. It was like it was "National Attitude Day" and I didn't get the memo.
I even had someone get upset at me for not "going with" the natural curly texture of my hair that day...and it was a dude who had a problem with it, which is even weirder.
I wanted to get a bugle horn and announce, "IT'S ONLY TUESDAY PEOPLE! HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE REST OF THE WEEK?"
Needless to say...it was, well, crazy.
All the while though, I couldn't join in. Oh, it would have be easy, believe me. I could have had an attitude and been all offended right back, but I couldn't.
I guess it was a mixture of two things:
1. I saw how irritated, annoyed and miserable they all looked and acted and that just wasn't appetizing.
2. I had already decided how the day was going to go, for me anyway.
You see, in the morning I decided my stance for the day.
"But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15
I asked for help to have the right attitude.
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice!" Philippians 4:4
I prayed that He would go before me and orchestrate my day.
"You go before me and follow me. You place Your hand of blessing on my head." Psalm 139:5
I praised and thanked Him because I had a reason to.
"The Lord has done great things for us! We are glad!" Psalm 126:3
I asked for strength so I wouldn't feel like I was just trying to make through another day.
"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord in your strength." Nehemiah 8:10
Also, I knew that this stance for my day would help the things I'm praying for.
"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart." Psalm 37:4
So start fresh each day. Take a minute right now and ask Him to take over today. Not this week, the upcoming events, the next year, 10 years, etc...just today. Ask Him specifically for help in areas like I've listed above.
Take your stance.
Have an awesome, Frown-free, Attitude-less, joyful day!
Have you ever noticed how extremely hard it is to be humble? It's just so against our nature.
We are "me" focused and we're always "looking out for #1". We do things to get noticed, or to be praised, or to get respect or just to look good. It's easy but that messes everything up, because our motives are wrong.
So, overall, do we do things to be noticed or do we just notice things we can do? Do we do something because we are loved or to be loved?
If we're not looking at what we can get, could we instead look at what we can give? Be more "God focused" rather than "me focused"?
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7
-Because I am loved, I can humble myself. -When I’m trying to be loved, I must build myself up to look better.
-Because I am loved, I can cast all my anxiety on Him. -When I’m trying to be loved, I cast all my anxiety on my performance.
I'm just so tired of living for me and being surrounded by people who do the same. We may be doing "good" things. We may profess to be a Christian, serve at church, volunteer, etc. but if in the meantime we're not acting like Christ at all...what's the point? Something has to change, right? This won't happen overnight, for sure, but take it one day at a time. Have a "humble sandwich" every day for lunch or something like that...in little bits, we'll get there. We may miss our "Pride Pie" that we usually eat and may even sneak in a few bites of it, but soon, if we keep at it and see how much it's needed, humbleness can become second nature.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” 1 Corinthians 13:4
What reminds you to be humble? What's the hardest part for you?
I keep looking at this blank space, wanting to write, wanting to update things that are happening and things God is showing me, but ... there's always that "but" isn't there?
Honestly, I am still alive and breathing. I am still growing (hopefully) closer to God.
There's just...
I don't know. God is revealing stuff to me and decisions are coming my way and I'm simply busy. All three of those things are good AND bad.
God is revealing stuff to me and that's good! But it's also very scary.
The decisions need to be made and could result in a better outcome but they are hard!
And busyness. Oh, how I hate you and yet I seem to cling to you all the time. You help me do many good things, but you steal from me being able to do greater things.
The message I heard this weekend I know I need to listen to again. Actually, the last few weeks have been pretty much a slap in the face. Those messages mixed with what God is telling me, what others are telling me and what common sense is telling me. It's like a "life cocktail" or something.
I always say, "I know, I know..." but I never do anything about it. So, I'm in the process of doing something about it.
No longer just saying I hate being busy, but actually changing that. Not just having a full schedule and therefore can't have time with friends or the potential of any new ones...no, this has to change.
With God's help, I'm working on it. I can't do it on my own, or I would've already. He's helping me prioritize, pray before acting (or writing something on my calendar), and take the time to cultivate the relationships I have and invest in new ones.
This is scary, unknown and seems impossible. Yet, I know nothing is impossible with Him and He'll help me succeed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic by any means but I am trying to make a deliberate change by taking strategic steps.
Wow! Such a great deal! I need to get right on this.
Honestly, I've only thought that sarcastically.
I mean, really? Surely, they've done their research and think this has to be a good ploy to sell more, right?
Let's say you were about to get married...would you see this and go, "Oh yeah, I need to get one of those." or "Oh! I almost forget I needed a dress!"
I think not.
Who does that leave? All the ladies in the world who aren't about to get married and every man on the face of the Earth.
So, I ask, who does this help?
Are these the kind of things people plan their proposals around or the season they get married in?
I hope not.
Now that I've got you wondering, I wish I had an answer for you. But I've got nothing. These don't make any sense to me. Maybe someday they will. Right now, they just make me think that I could get a gorgeous dress cheaper, then not have anywhere to wear it. Genius.
Have you ever known someone who bought a wedding dress because they saw a commercial?
There's a new song we've started to play at The House FM & My Praise FM called "Someone Worth Dying For" by Mikeschair. The whole band has a really cool heart and makes awesome music, but this song stuck out to me. Honestly, it's pretty simple and things we've all heard before. But, if you're like me, you haven't taken it to heart...or you forget it easily.
Yes, we've heard the stories, the fact that the Creator of the Universe loves us but every time I hear that I automatically think "as a whole". You know, He loves all of us. The breakthroughs and strengths, though, come when we realize it's a personal thing. That's heavy.
He loves you. He died for you. He thinks you are thebomb.com. He thinks you're worth the effort.
Here's the lyrics:
You might be the wife, waiting up at night You might be the man, struggling to provide Feeling like it's hopeless Maybe you're the son, who chose a broken road Maybe you're the girl, thinking you'll end up alone Praying God can you hear me? Oh God are you listening?
Am I more than flesh and bone? Am I really something beautiful? Yeah I wanna believe, I wanna believe I'm not just some wandering soul That you don't see and you don't know Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I Am someone worth dying for
I know you found the truth that God has set you free But you think you're the one that grace could never reach So you just keep asking, oh what everybody's asking
Am I more than flesh and bone? Am I really something beautiful? Yeah I wanna believe, I wanna believe
I'm not just some wandering soul That you don't see and you don't know
Yeh I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I Am someone worth dying for
You're worth it, you can’t earn it yeah the cross has proven, that you're sacred and blameless Your life has purpose
And you are more than flesh and bone Can't you see you're something beautiful Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe He wants you to see, He wants you to see That you're not just some wandering soul That can't be seen and can't be known Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you Are someone worth dying for You're someone worth dying for You're someone worth dying for
Do you feel worth it? How do you remind yourself, daily, that you're worth dying for?
Do you have standards? Sure you do, right? How firm are they though? Can they be swayed by a good argument or enough begging? I hope not. Your morals, standards, beliefs...that's what sets you apart and help you stay on the right path. We all have those "lists", even if just in our minds, of what we will and won't put up with; what we will and won't be a part of. Maybe we should follow David's example, though, and write it out. Like in Psalm 101:2-8, make a proclamation; our manifesto:
2 I will be careful to lead a blameless life— when will you come to me?
I will conduct the affairs of my house with a blameless heart. 3 I will not look with approval on anything that is vile.
I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it. 4 The perverse of heart shall be far from me; I will have nothing to do with what is evil.
5 Whoever slanders their neighbor in secret, I will put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, I will not tolerate.
6 My eyes will be on the faithful in the land, that they may dwell with me; the one whose walk is blameless will minister to me.
7 No one who practices deceit will dwell in my house; no one who speaks falsely will stand in my presence.
8 Every morning I will put to silence all the wicked in the land; I will cut off every evildoer from the city of the LORD.
He clearly said I will not be a part of:
Vile things
Faithlessness
Perversity
Evil
Slander
Pride & Haughtiness
Deceit
Wickedness
Ultimately, you will get what you value. Value good things, and say no to things that destroy.
To keep a good character, what are the things you refuse to be a part of? What's your "list"?
A couple weekends ago I went to Fort Worth for the Passion 2011 Conference. It was incredible in so many ways, but the HUGE wower of the whole thing for me was...(drum roll) Kristian Stanfill!!
I love him! Well, his music that is. :)
Seriously, worshiping with him was so great. You could see his heart and love for God. And I love that the songs he sang weren't just about what God has done, or is doing, etc. They were about Jesus. That's it. Just who He is.
So, I'm in love with Kristian Stanfill...or at least his music. You should check it out! kristianstanfill.com
Ok. I know what this feels like. Maybe you do too.
Someone you know says, "Hey! You should meet so-and-so! You'd be great together!" or something similar.
My instant reaction is to close up, disappear and maybe they will forget they were even talking to me. One time I literally got under my desk while this guy told me about a guy I'd be good with. No joke. There were witnesses.
Last weekend Francis Chan (at Passion 2011) talked about this very thing. His family had a young lady living with them. After a few years he thought, "We need to get her married off."
She was a good sport and would do just about anything Francis came up with. He'd introduce her to all kinds of guys and never missed an opportunity for a possible relationship.
One time, he told her, "Ok, there's a plumber coming over today. I want you to go make some brownies and at just the right time, come out with them and act surprised that we are there."
And...she did! Though, every "set-up" that Francis tried one of them would be like, "Yeah, she's great!" or "He's ok..." He just couldn't make them fall in love. No matter how many times you set-up just the right scenarios, you can't make someone fall in love.
He related this to Jesus. Sometimes we try to bring someone to church, maybe even on a weekend where they are giving away free stuff, showing a movie, etc. We try to live our lives in a way that makes them want it. Granted, yes, we should live our lives in a way that reflects Him and makes others want it. But, you can't make someone fall in love with Him. It has to be their decision. They have to "get" it.
They may say, "Yeah...He's nice..." Then we're like, "Really? That's it? Don't you see what I do?"
So, our role is to stop setting people up. Seriously...you can't make love happen. When they have a real encounter with God, their eyes & hearts will be opened. We just need to focus on our relationship with Him. He's not just an idea, a nice story, but a person. Whom we love and have a personal relationship.
Oh, and that girl found a guy on her own and they are expecting a child soon.
I went to Passion Fort Worth this weekend and was so refreshed! It would take at least 1 book to explain what happened and what God showed me personally, not to mention the other 11,000 people who were there as well and what happened to them.
I heard amazing worship from some of my favorites: Chris Tomlin, Christy Nockels, Kristian Stanfill, Charlie Hall, David Crowder & even LeCrae! All of these people inspire me.
I heard moving stories and sermons from Francis Chan, Louie Giglio (My fav) and John Piper.
I made some awesome friends, which I didn't think would happen, and I'm hoping some of them will be lifelong.
I'll blog more later about Francis Chan's story about setting people up & God's love for us. I'll talk about the 1 person who gave me the "WOW!" factor of the weekend. I'll share Louie's awesome message about carrying Jesus' name.
I could tell you countless things about all of that, but what it comes down to is...Jesus.
Something was mentioned about what God thinks of us & I realized I need to let that sink in. Not just have head knowledge of it, but to "get" it, in my heart. Here's the list I came up with in about 3 minutes:
You love me, personally.
You are crazy about me.
You love EVERYTHING about me.
You love being around me.
You love my laugh.
You think I'm beautiful.
You believe in me, even when I don't.
You love my voice.
You love when I sing to You.
You think I'm gorgeous.
You know me.
You think I'm enough.
You think I'm smart.
You see HUGE potential in me.
You listen no matter how long I talk.
You love me when I mess up.
You love me when I'm simply a mess.
You love me when I don't love me.
You love me when I question You.
You are my biggest fan.
You still have a plan for my life when my life is falling apart.
You are beside me when I wonder where You are.
You are my friend when no one is friendly.
You make everyday more than good.
You are my joy.
You inspire me.
You forgive me, every time.
You are my source & provider.
You will always be my home.
Man, it takes me a whole day just to let ONE of those sink in! And then the next day I have to learn it all over again, like I have short-term memory loss!
Yet, everyone of them is true. For me. For you.
Look at the list again. It's ridiculous! It really is. Who else is all of that and more? I only know One.
What do you need to grasp from this list? What do you need to add to it?
My birthday is 1 week from today. I've never NOT looked forward to a birthday before...until now. Yes, I'm excited to celebrate my life, look at how God has blessed me and is using me, but I'm not excited for the only thing associated with being 21. For the first time, I want to go into hiding on the day of my birth. No, really, I do.
I'm not scared, just tired of the "jokes" and comments about partying, drinking, being crazy for one night, etc.
Excuse me, I'm sorry, but do I live a life that looks like I'd be into that kind of thing? Tell me the truth. Yeah, that's the stereotypical thing most people do...but I'm not most people.
So, yes, I get it. I understand turning 21 brings more temptations and people just expect and are ok with you doing certain things, but no thanks.
Don't get me wrong, I want to party like nothing else and enjoy myself for sure...just not like that.
This is one of my favorite scriptures, which relates very well to this:
"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what He wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to it's level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." Romans 12:2
Sorry, but when it comes to turning 21, it's just another birthday. So...Happy Birthday to me :)
I have something really important to tell you today. Lean in close. Let this get past your self-doubts and into those open, assurance-seeking places of your heart...
God is absolutely crazy about you!
Yes you. The beautiful one sitting there looking at the screen.
I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but it's true. You fill God's heart with absolute joy and every day you take His breath away with your smile.
Just a slight glance in His direction makes Him pause. He loves the unique way you do things. He really enjoys watching others love on you and bring out His best in you. And He's not critical of your mistakes like you sometimes think, or waiting for you to do something productive. He simply delights in you because you are His. And that is enough.
You are enough.
Oh, and if you are a guy reading this, you can reread this and replace "beautiful" with 'handsome", if you'd like :)
In every movie I watch, I try to guess what will happen next & how it will end before it comes. I've gotten pretty good at it, too. See, I can't stand not knowing what's coming! I always thought I liked surprises, but I've recently found out that I really don't. Maybe I just like surprising other people better.
With that being said, today I was trying to "guess the ending" of my life. I play all these scenarios in my head & I've got to admit, some of them look pretty nice!
After I played this little game in my head for a while, I was frustrated once again because nothing in the real world had changed. I kinda threw up my hands and said, "Alright, God...once again, I know, I need to give this to You and just let you take over. But- can he just be either REALLY smart or REALLY funny?* That would be good. Thanks." (*Thus the title "Brains or Upturned Lips.")
See, I figure if he's really smart then we can be rich, make good choices, etc. and just have an all-over good life. If not, at least let him be hilarious so when life is hard, we can at least laugh along the way! One of those should be good, right? Oh...silly, I know.
It sounds good in my head, but when I say it out loud, I kinda look back at myself and say, "Really? Wow...you're crazier than I thought."
So, lately I've been frustrated. Really frustrated. And...it's all my fault. It also doesn't help that we're less than a week away from Valentines Day and this is on my mind more than usual. (DISCLAIMER: I don't hate Valentines, per say...I just don't love it. At least right now.)
Just thinking about what is to come; everything I don't know. I'm trying to speed up God's timing and it's just not working out. I feel more confused than I have in a LONG time. See, the "deal" I told God about him being either smart or funny sounds ridiculous and pretty much like I'd be willing to settle because I'm tired of "keeping face", going against the tide, etc. And in all truth, I'm not ready to quit! I'm not ready to give up on God and say, "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll take it from here." I hope I never get to that place.
I know, I've got to give it up. The thing is, it's a daily process. I have to remind myself everyday of what I already know, because apparently I have short-term memory loss.
He has great plans for me! Greater than I can guess, even.
Also, what you fear reveals where you trust God the least.
Ouch.
I heard this message this weekend about fear called "I Quit: Fear". At first I thought, "Eh, no big deal...I don't really have fear in my life."
I was wrong.
Pastor talked about this lady who feared losing her husband all the time; either by death or just leaving. She was so consumed by it. It's all she thought about & she just worried all the time. She finally wrestled about it with God. She kept saying, "What if this happened?" She felt like God asked her back, "Yeah? What if?" Then she went down the 'What if" trail. "What if my husband died? What if he left me?"
"Well, I guess I wouldn't get dressed for a month & I would just cry and cry and cry."
Then God said, "Uh-huh, then what?"
"Ummm, I probably wouldn't get dressed for another month."
"Ok, then what?"
"I guess at some point I'd cry and run to You and You would restore me. You'd help me get through it one day at a time."
"Exactly."
This struck me for some reason. I just don't let my mind go down the 'What if' trail. That's too scary. It's like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book. Too many loose ends; too many things can go wrong; too much pain. So I avoid it.
This weekend I made myself go down that trail, though.
What if I keep living life like this? What if I keep working all the time as life passes me by? What if I keep doing a "good" thing and miss out on a "great" thing? What if I keep acting like everything is ok and I'm fine when I'm not? What if in the process of convincing myself that I'm not beautiful that everyone else starts to believe it? What if I get content going down the highway of life and miss the exits I need to take to stay in His will? What if everyone keeps trying to "encourage" me with "When you stop looking, that's when he'll come" or "Maybe you should say yes more or lower your standards because they're just too high" or "Maybe God wants you single forever"? What if I actually meet someone that is ok but I miss the red flags that he's just not it; that he's only in this because of what I do or who I know? What if God brings that right man and I freak out? What if I never meet someone who loves me for me ... and that's it?
Told you it was scary.
I guess my fear is ending up alone. So, that reveals that I value relationships and marriage in general. It also reveals that I don't fully trust God with this.
Why?
He's big enough. He loves me. He's even gave me a promise years ago that He would take care of this area of my life! And yet, I still cling to it; like I can do a better job...yeah right.
But, just like the lady who feared losing her husband, the ending is the same. God's got this! This doesn't mean we won't experience some of our fears or go through hard times, but it does mean that He's with us the whole time and we don't have to go it alone. He will sustain us, pull us through and help us one day at a time.
I heard this in a sermon a while back. I always liked it; thought it was a catchy phrase & a great idea. I never took it to heart though.
Until recently.
There's a little girl in my life. Precious, 3 year old Krista. Every time I see her, and I mean every time, she touches my hair, combs it, smells it, says things about it. Every time. Even her little 2 year sister touches it every time now and says, "Your hair!" I finally asked Krista why she always says stuff about my hair and touches it, etc. She stood really still, frowned a little and said, "Because it's beautiful." (All the while stroking my hair.)
Wow. What a compliment from a 3 year old.
After she said that, she just kept touching my hair and looking at me. Man, some days I wish I could see through her eyes. See the beauty that she obviously sees in me. She's not afraid to tell me that my hair is beautiful or my eyes are pretty or that I'm funny...she just says it. She observes something and wants to make sure I know it.
Why can't I do that?
I talk myself out of saying things like that. I think something nice and before I let it escape my mouth, I stop myself and think, "What if that makes things really awkward?" or "She already knows that" or "That won't make that big of a difference."
Maybe I've missed out on a lot. All I know is I'm working on it. With Him, I'm stepping out of stopping kind things from escaping my mouth and missing opportunities.
Ever notice how after someone dies, you think of everything you wanted to tell them? Don't let that happen.
"I have told you this so that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:11
Do you ever have days where someone tries to rip the joy right out of your life?
I do.
And it's really hard. It's a battle. The good girl part of my brain says, "Be nice. Honor Jesus with your actions. Your response is your responsibility. Self control, Jenn, self control."
But the mean girl part of my brain says, "How dare they act that way! I'll show them."
One part of me says fold your hands in prayer.
But another part of me says throw your hands in the air and throw a good old fashioned hissy fit.
Issues. I have them. Maybe most of us girls do. Especially that one special week a month.
But God.
I love how those two words interrupt me. Redirect me. Remind me. Comfort me. Battle the mean girl in me. And cause me to pause. Pause. Just for a minute, pause. And it's in that pause where we give the Holy Spirit room to interrupt the mean girl response just dying to come out and bloody the situation.
The Holy Spirit says, "Jenn stop and think. It might feel good in the minute to scream, retaliate, pitch a fit and flood the situation with emotions. But it won't feel good in the long run. It will feel awful in the long run. You'll feel the sting of regret. Come on Jenn... be rare. Be a girl who looks ahead and determines to do what's best in the long run."
Yes, it stinks that this other person is determined to steal my joy.
It really does.
But in reality, my joy can only be stolen if I let it be stolen.
In John 15:10-12 Jesus says, "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."
Several things struck me as I read this verse. In each interaction I have with others, I'm faced with the choice to either remain in God's love or retreat from God's love. I can't control how this other person is acting towards me. But I can control how I act and react. If I chose to remain in God's love and react to this other person kindly, it affects my joy. Jesus interjects His joy right into the heart of a kind person. If I make the choice to be kind, instead of my joy being depleted, it will be completed.
So back off mean girl part of my brain. The Jesus girl in me is taking over. And holding on to every ounce of joy that's rightfully mine. Circumstances can steal stuff from me. But not my joy.
And all Jesus' girls say, "Amen and amen!"
This sounds so good in this moment, doesn't it? But it will not be easy when I have an interaction today or later this week with "that person" ... the one who makes my mean girl want to come out. God is the only one who can help us remember the truths in His word & remind us not to let them steal our joy. Maybe you'll be around someone like this for Christmas...just know, they can't steal your joy! (Also, we have the privilege to give this joy too!)
My whole life I've wanted to be a wife & Mom. My whole life. So, all this time I'm waiting, praying, growing until I become that. (And hopefully becoming more prepared in the process!)
I've been known to drive around on random evenings or on the weekends through nice neighborhoods, imagining my life to come...the 2-story house, perfect grass, 2-car garage, kids in the front yard, etc. These have always been happy days for me, just dreaming of the future.
Until recently.
I'd drive by these same houses, think of a guy in my life that I'm praying about, then get really really discouraged. I'd think, man, this guy is awesome, we'd be so happy, he'd be a great leader, he'd love our family; we could really build a life in a house like this...then reality would sink in that his choice of career (or an accident, family illness, or whatever) may never allow us to have something like this; or even remotely close.
I know, you're thinking, "How worldly. It's not about a big house!"
I know, you're right. It's not. It never really has been - it's just subconsciously been a part of "the dream" for so long, it's hard to change it now.
I think it comes down to I want a quality life. A life that matters; where the house is large enough, the kids have enough room; there's just more space and less chance of hard times & heart aches.
So, for a couple weeks now I'd drive by houses thinking, "Nope, that house is too nice, that one too...and yep, even that one."
How pitiful.
I'm seriously not that superficial that I'm looking for a guy who can provide a huge house or living a certain way. Honestly, I could care less. Like I said, it's just the dream I've had playing in my head for so long. Who knows? God could bless me with that someday after all.
But that's not the point. The point is that I actually cried about this whole, dumb, house thing this weekend!
Yeah, I cried.
I finally yelled out in the car, "WHY IS THIS SO IMPORTANT??"
(Good thing I was alone in the car.)
Maybe you just have to be a girl? Maybe you have to have the same "dream" as me to understand?
I don't know if this makes sense but God changed my heart when it comes to this now. Somehow I was able to let it go, give it to God, and forget about it. The desire is no longer there. Strange, right?
In the end I know that He will provide for me no matter what. No matter what, He needs to be enough.
So, that's what I'm working on. Focusing more & more on Him everyday & realizing He's enough. More than enough, actually.
Something that I'm still working on is really believing. Hang with me here for a second. I mean really believing something that someone says. I hear, "You're awesome!", "You're doing a great job!", etc. The thing is...it takes a few times for me to actually take that in and hear it. Maybe it's a mental problem. Maybe it's a hearing problem. Maybe it's just being a girl.
Guys are kind of know for being clueless sometimes and don't pick up on "hints" that we might send their way. We're just as bad! We don't hear or see them loving us everyday! I can't stand stereotypes but this is something I've seen more than once. Why is it that as ladies we don't let it sink in that we are loved by the Creator of the universe?? He made all that we see & is all powerful and yet He loves us, through all of our faults, every day.
Maybe I'm not being clear. You are loved. You get that? Even if you don't feel like it. Even if your day started with stepping in dog poo, cleaning cereal out of little pig-tails, cranking up the radio over the screaming in the backseat, throwing your back out while trying to buy dog food, voicing your opinion when you should have kept your mouth shut and ended in slamming your own thumb in the car door. No matter what you did or are doing - you are loved right now.
I tend to be stand-off-ish of compliments and I'm not sure why. I'm just a little wary and it makes me wonder why someone would choose to say something like that. Do they want something? Are they trying to smooth-talk me? When I write this down, it sounds dumb & really paranoid. But it's true! I think that's why I struggle with this from God. I carry this over that He has no reason to say something nice about me or to me.
Yet, I'm learning each day that He does.
He's madly in love with me. He's madly in love with you.
He can't help it. You're wonderful, you're His child that He cares for more than you'll ever know.
Here's the best part - there's no way you can escape His love! You can't run far enough, mess up enough. On this, that's the difference between God and man. In life, I'll be too paranoid or whatever and not believe it when people say nice things to or about me, and I'll miss out on a great display of love being dropped in my lap. Maybe they'll give up. Decide it's not worth it to build someone up, only for them to shake their head & be suspicious. But God, He's not gonna give up. He'll continually tell you that you are beautiful, unlike any other, precious, and endlessly loved.
Maybe right now, go find a mirror and pick something that God is telling you - "You are beautiful, You are loved, You are forgiven, etc." Say it 5 times & let it sink in.
I hope this helps today. I hope you let it sink in that He loves you, with all your faults & insecurities. That's not going to make Him shy away like people would. He's constantly by your side, wanting to live life with you.
The song "Don't you know You're beautiful" is awesome from Seabird. Also, I heard this song this morning from Tenth Avenue North called "You are More" and it says:
But don't you know who you are, What's been done for you? Yeah don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade
In life, people seem surprised, "Don't you know? Don't you see what a difference you're making?" Sometimes the truth is, "No, I'm not seeing what you see."
The only way to change that is to look at ourselves through Christ. He sees beauty. He sees a hard worker. He sees his daughter, His beloved.
Sorry, there's nothing you can do to change His mind.
**Side note for the guys: Be patient with us. We need you. We need you not to give up on us. We need you to believe in us, and tell us that! We need you to confirm these things that God says about us. We don't have it all together ... I know, shocker. :)
I just came back from a week long vacation...with 3 girls...3 & under...!
Just in case you didn't know, 3 year olds have A LOT of questions! Sometimes it's a fun, enlightening experience. Other times it's embarrassing and makes me shake my head!
Sometimes when we tell her to do something, she'll say, "But why?"
She wants to understand our plans, motives, and reasons for everything. If she doesn't understand the logic of something she has a hard time accepting it. She loves us and truly wants to please us, but she wants to know why before she obeys.
She's usually obedient, once she's heard our reasons. Nonetheless, in response to her questioning I often want to use that infamous phrase: "Because I said so!"
I wonder if God ever wants to use that phrase with me?
God is infinitely more patient than I am, and He is abounding in grace and love. He can easily handle all my questions without exasperation. But I wonder if He wishes I would just simply trust and obey - just because He is God.
The scriptures say: "Do what your king commands; you gave a sacred oath of obedience. Don't worryingly second-guess your orders or try to back out when the task is unpleasant. You're serving his pleasure, not yours. The king has the last word. Who dares say to him, 'What are you doing?' Carrying out orders won't hurt you a bit; the wise person obeys promptly and accurately" (Ecclesiastes 8:2-5, MSG).
I want to be that wise person.
So my goal today is not to question God but simply to trust and obey...even if I don't understand why, and even if it's hard to do. I will accept the way that I am made and the plans that He has set before me.
Yes, I know I can take all my questions to the Lord and He will lovingly sift through them, but today I want to obey His commands in swift, willing obedience - just because He said so.
"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands." 2 John 1:6a
A friend texted me last night & said "check out 1 Corinthians 7!!!" I looked it up & I knew it had been too long since the last time I read that chapter. If you haven't read it in a while, or at all, and you are single ... you need to.
I think it sounds a bit like Paul is trying to cover himself when he says it's better to be single ... but it's ok to be married, but it's good to be single, but it's good to be married ... kind of like he's arguing with himself ... but I understand where the guy is coming from.
A few parts that stuck out to me: verse 27, "If you are married, stay married. If you are not married, don't try to get married." Not a lot of gray area in that scripture. In verses 29-31 it basically says the world is coming to an end & it doesn't matter how happy you are here - this is not our home. God's coming back & it won't matter if you're married or not.
In verse 35 it says, "...I want to help you to live right and to love the Lord above all else." That was Paul's heart & entire message.
I needed to read this chapter again ... and probably again and again! It is easier to focus on serving God & following Him completely when you're not distracted by trying to make someone else happy. It makes sense. Still, I'm hoping this is not forever! Right now, I'm following the words of Paul & seeking to please & glorify God ... hopefully along the way I'll catch the attention of someone with the same priorities. Ironically, I had yet another person try to set me up with a guy today ... oh, the timing of all this. Humorous.
Lately, I've been praying really 'blunt' prayers, so to speak. Not much structure to them, just talking to Him, like a friend, and blurting out whatever I'm dealing with or thinking about. When I say it out loud, it tends to have a bigger impact on me.
Like I'll look around or at the ceiling & say,
"God, I'm really sick of being alone"
or
"God, I feel like I'm the only one still wanting to do right"
or
"God, I don't think I can do this anymore...I just don't know."
Just talking, out loud, to God with what's going on & allowing Him to speak to me & change my thinking. I hear the enemies lies when I speak out loud what I'm feeling, AND THEN I allow God's truth to come back in.
You don't have to put on a face for God. Like you've got everything put together, like you can handle it and you'll just "ration" out what you think God can or would handle concerning you today.
Let it all hang out! Tell God what's going on ... and then let Him handle it.
I had a dream a few nights ago ... could've been the pain meds from getting my wisdom teeth removed ... could've been God. I'm betting on at least a bit of both.
A friend and I were at a Dodge/Chrysler lot, just looking around. The manager came over to us and said "See that pile of keys over there? Go pick one, hit the panic button & the car that sounds is yours!" We were shocked. Of course, we ran right over - grabbed a set of keys and went outside to find our new cars. For some reason ours were right next to each other. Mine was a dodge car, not too fancy. Weird creamy color with bad red trim. His had a great red finish but was a funky shape (Don't ask...). My first thought was to look around, see if I could run back inside and pick a different key without the manager noticing. My friend & I decided to take a stroll around the lot to see if there were any others & just plan to talk to the manager if that were the case. We didn't see any we liked better but by the time we got back around to where we started, the ones we had the first pick to were gone! We were in such disbelief. People were taking off everywhere in new, free cars like they couldn't get out of the parking lot fast enough & here we were critiquing the 2 we were given.
Our hearts sank at what we lost & we left empty handed.
I've been thinking about this dream for a few days, really uneasy about it. Am I that ungrateful? Am I that close to situations that I can't step back and see, first of all, I'm being given a blessing? A free car is being given to me & I can't look around quick enough to find one in a better color? It makes me wonder what I've missed. How many things have I passed by, relationships overlooked, or blessings have I given back?
Why should I get the luxury of picking the color of my blessing?
I can't think of a particular thing that I have handled in this way, but maybe that's just it. I can't help but feel a sense of loss ... embarrassment even to think that I would act that way. Maybe that's why a few of my prayers seem to go unanswered? Maybe I just didn't like what God was offering. It makes me sick to think that I've gone around "the lot", even if just once, to see if there was anything better, only to leave empty handed.
Struggling to know what to say to that cute girl sitting 2 rows ahead of you with her head in her new pink, sparkly NIV Bible? Look no further! Maybe try one of these:
1. “nice bible.”
2. “is this pew taken?”
3. “for you i would slay two Goliaths”
4. “i would go through more than Job for you”
5. “when Moses struck the rock, water flowed from it like a river. I promise I will never strike you.”
6. “you are so unblemished that i would sacrifice you.”
7. “shall we tithe?”
8. “i didnt believe in predestination until tonight.”
9. “i believe one of my ribs belongs to you.”
10. “i went on a mission trip, but all I ended up doing was mission you.”
11. “can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?”
12. “now i know why Solomon had 700 wives… Because he never met you.”
13. “bathsheba had nothing on you”
14. “your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead”
15. “so, can i clothe you in righteousness?”
16. “how would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?”
17. “so, my parents are home, you wanna come over?”
18. “i’m a proverbs 32 kind of guy and you’re a proverbs 31 kinda woman…”
19. “i consider myself to be fisher of women. this would be referred to as “casting my net”.”
20. “i have familiarised myself with all 5 love languages, in fact, i invented 4 of them.”
21. “i predicted David over Goliath… now I’m betting on you and me.”
22.. “if you were a leper, i would still hold your hand.. even if it wasn't attached.”
Ok, so maybe you shouldn't use these. Sadly, I've gotten some of these! What's the strangest line you've ever heard...or used?
I just finished a 7 day fast. It's been a while since I've done that. Every once and a while I'd do it for a day or two just for some clarity and to pause life for a bit. This time I didn't just want to pause - I wanted change. I went into this expecting God to reveal Himself & to give me some answers in a few specific areas. I felt kinda stuck. Like I am so blessed and overwhelmed with good things but I needed to know what to do next. (I'm good with lists & tasks - just tell me what to do!)
That's where God comes in. He's been faithful, so why should this time be any different? The ongoing hard thing that I battle every day is waiting. I know His ways are not my ways & His timing is perfect...but year after year (after year, after year...) goes by; I'm just so ready for God's promises to come true. 20 years is a long time to wait, and it makes me wonder - how much longer?
So, I decided to fast for a week and seek God on this, full throttle. It amazes me every time how much closer to God I get & how much easier it seems to be to talk to & trust Him. I have more time & He gives me the energy I need. On the second night, I cried out to God (literally did this about every day.) to show me what He wanted me to do, to guide me. I prayed about a few specific things, and just stopped talking. (Do ever get tired of hearing your own voice?) I just sat there, eyes closed, waiting on God. Then I said, "I just need peace." Instantly, I felt kind of light headed - not sick, but like a weight had been lifted and my whole body felt like it was floating. I got exactly what I asked for, peace.
He wasn't done either! On the 5th day, there was something stirring in me. I was really restless and just burdened. (Leading worship, I was probably too much.) I was really challenged to change & I wanted others around me to catch this fire too. God is giving me a renewed passion for Him, but that's not all He did.
I went to the movie "To Save a Life" that afternoon and that was the breaking point. Everything just came together and cemented what God was already doing in me. After the show, I just needed to get away and talk to God alone. I went to the park and I sat there for 30 minutes talking to God and letting Him change me. I just didn't want to stay the same. It's really hard to explain, but God just opened my eyes to see them in the way He does. I see how valuable each person is. Not just the people we think are cool, or need help, or we get introduced to, or whatever. Everyone. That's who we're called to tell about Christ. I cried there about the whole time and allowed God to change my heart, deeply. I saw the error of my ways in multiple areas. I had the overwhelming need to ask forgiveness from people.
The really surprising thing that He did in the midst of this week was renew my strength to carry on, to wait. He's amazing like that. Just about every time when I think, "I just can't do it anymore! Am I ever going to get married?" God steps in and somehow removes that completely and gives me peace & helps me rest in Him. It's at those moments that I honestly feel like I could stay there forever. I could just sit in the park for years; no food, no shelter, no guy, no showers (gross), with Him, like that, so intimate. Like my best friend who lets me let it all out, then goes in and fixes everything in me. He focuses on me, like I'm the only one in the room. Let's be honest, that's what we all want - we just normally look for that in other people.
Anyway, I'm still a work in progress - I'm human, I'm flawed, but I'm a beautiful mess! He's so awesome to be willing to keep picking me up and giving me the strength I need to live for Him. This change has been radical for me, that's just what I prayed for. Hopefully you'll have the boldness to simply ask God to change you. Be willing. Be specific. Be all-in. He will if you allow Him to.
I prayed a few specific things (waiting, way of living & about a few people) and then some others things that I was concerned with like not to let me get comfortable, to be radical for Him - no matter who looks on in a disapproving way or pokes fun. My confidence is in Him, not the very lacking compliments I get...which I have a hard time receiving, anyway (weird, I know.).
He, like always, has gone above and beyond what I've asked Him to. He met me right where I was and changed me. He can do it in you too. If you're ready, feel free to pray this daring prayer:
Lord, I'm being faithful. I'm holding on to You. I'm reminding You right now of Your promises and I'm expectant that You will fulfill them in Your time. Help me to wait even more. Give me peace. Help me continue to rest in You every day. Help me continue to go against the ways of this world & strive after you. Swimming against the current gets tiring after a while. Strengthen me, God. I'm keeping my focus on You - it's You I'm chasing after instead of the next gadget, promotion, guy, car, wad of cash, etc...it's just You. At the end of the day, I commit again, that if You never bless me with the things I long for - I will still love You. I will still serve You. I will still tell others of Your goodness. You are faithful, help me to be more like You.
That's what I said when I walked past my refrigerator the other day. I skeptically looked in to find the culprit of the smell. After carefully rummaging around for a bit I found the last bit of a casserole from so long ago that I can't remember what it was to begin with...yeah, that's bad.
Now imagine a pleasing aroma. What comes to mind? A freshly baked cookies, the scent of the ocean, newly brewed coffee, or a cinnamon candle? A pleasant aroma is so powerful that it can bring a smile to our faces and make us feel more positive and even bring back memories. The same is true of our positive attitudes. In our relationships we can be like a fragrant aroma by adopting attitudes that please and reflect Christ. In fact, Paul teaches that we are a "fragrance of Christ" (2 Corinthians 2:15). Consider these pleasing attitudes: thankful, humble, generous, gracious, kind, and cheerful.
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place." 2 Corinthians 2:14
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 2:5
